Being Present with Others

Jusup Sianturi

Counselor, Programs for Men at The Bowery Mission

Impact of COVID-19: I understood why my role is considered frontline. I do this job because I value relationships — not just with my colleagues but also my clients. The relationship is very important because most of them have experienced broken relationships. There are some moments where it is appropriate for me to give them a hug or a fist pump, but now it is difficult. So it was a conscious effort to have to maintain that distance. But it was hard, because distance is difficult for me. I had to adjust.

Being Present with Others: We're so used to physical closeness, and COVID kind-of interrupts that. But often, being present has not much to do with physical closeness. There's eye contact. There's good listening. There’s showing up. Recently, I played chess with my clients. That helped me be creative in showing up for them outside of the formal session. We didn’t have to have a conversation like, "Hey, how are you, job-wise?" I was just being present as we were playing chess.

Sitting with Pain: My role is very important in helping clients walk through their pain and face the realities of life. But I wouldn’t be able to do that as well if I didn’t go through that pain myself. COVID caused all of us to want to return to the things we left behind, to deal with the pain. I had to listen to my own disappointment and anger, what I felt like I had lost and I needed to have. That forced me to be honest and real with God. There were no fixed answers except my faith and being present with Him and others in it.

Moments of Hope: One is just that I'm still here. When my wife’s job started back up, she got tested and learned she had antibodies. I was like, "Whoa, wait a minute. How did this happen?" Then I remembered that in the beginning of March, we were both sick for weeks. I didn’t know then it was COVID. To me, that was God's grace for me to be able to endure that, not realizing it. I don't think I was strong enough, emotionally, mentally, at the time.

How You Kept Going: Looking back, God provided people around me. I have wonderful colleagues to whom I was able to express my concerns, and they were able to encourage me through prayer. I also had to remind myself that my “end” is the relationship itself. One reason why I’ve experienced compassion fatigue was because I lost that focus. "COVID limits everything, what can I do?" But then, I remembered that I’m not here to prove anything. I learned to take responsibility for that and for self-care. To find places and ways to maintain sanity and health so I can keep going.

Authentic Relationships: I value authenticity already. But it becomes even more real now. There are no easy answers to what is going on. The most difficult thing that we need to do, but we don't want to do, is to suffer. Not only with ourselves, but with others. It's like, we just want to “fix” our suffering. The bad news is, our problems cannot be “fixed.” But the good news is, we can demonstrate compassion and care through that suffering.

Experiencing the Gospel: Society has told our clients that failure is not an option. Mistakes are not OK. This is why the relationship is key, because the gospel is about a relationship. The gospel is about God saying "Hey, because you have a relationship with me, you’ve chosen things that cause damage to yourself. But I’m entering into the mess.” That’s what Jesus does. He says, “It’s ok that you screw up because you’re a human being. I’m providing this relationship because of what I’ve done, not because of what you’ve done.”